WE THE CRONKERS, in order to promote solidarity among the denizens of the Cronkhite Center; present a united front to the students and administrators of Harvard University; affirm the status of the Cronk as the Thirteenth House; and obtain funding for events from the various dispensers of such funding, do hereby adopt this Cronkstitution for the organization and governance of the Cronk as a free House independent of the erstwhile occupation by the Quad.
Article I. Citizenship
§1. All beings, human and otherwise, who are affiliated with Harvard and reside in the Cronkhite Center, are Citizens of the Cronk.
§2. It is the natural right of all Harvard affiliates to immigrate to the Cronk and take up lodgings in our Thirteenth House by reciting the Oath of Allegiance, whereupon they shall become Citizens of the Cronk.
§3. Citizens of the Cronk have the right to complain about their Cronkage, the right to dine in any dining hall on campus, the right to attend and organize meetings of the House Committee, and the right to flee the Cronk and emigrate to the Quad junior year.
Article II. Symbols
§1. The official House Mascot of the Cronk is the Heater Bug.
§2. The demonyms for Citizens of the Cronk are Cronker, Cronkster, Cronk, and whatever other term the speaker wishes to use, if and only if the speaker is a Citizen of the Cronk.
§3. The official Flag of the Cronk is a field of sky blue, upon which the glorious figure of Kronk from The Emperor’s New Groove shall stand facing to sinister. Also upon it shall be three stars, one red, one green, and one blue. Their number represents the Quad Houses that rejected us, their colors struggle, prosperity, and valor. The flag shall always fly from the stairwell flagpole.
§4. The motto of the Cronk is “may the shadows forever light your path.”
§5. The Oath of Allegiance is “I solemnly vow to devote my life, abilities, and angst in the glorious service of the CRONK in its eternal struggle against the other Houses. I shall be a true loyalist, in good times and bad, to the Cronker cause until death take me or the junior housing lottery release me.”
Article III. House Committee Generalities
§1. The House Committee shall be responsible for representing the Citizens of the Cronk before a harsh and uncaring world by any means necessary.
§2. House Committee membership shall be open to all Citizens of the Cronk.
§3. The House Committee shall meet at least once a month to discuss its schemes. These meetings shall be open to all Citizens of the Cronk, even those who do not otherwise affiliate with the Committee.
Article IV. House Committee Leadership
§1. The leader of the House Committee and commander in chief of the Cronk shall be the First Cronker, who shall be the first among equals of Cronkhite residents and responsible for setting the agenda of the House Committee and representing it before the world.
§2. The deputy leader of the House Committee, responsible for taking the lead on organizing Cronkhite social events, shall be the Holder of the Spoon.
§3. These positions shall be elected in the Grand Lurk, to be held at the beginning of each academic year, by a simple majority of those in attendance.
§4. All Citizens of the Cronk may serve the First Cronker, but only a human Citizen of the Cronk may be the Holder of the Spoon.
Article V. Fire Alarm Committee
§1. The Fire Alarm Committee shall meet following each fire alarm incident to grumble about the fire alarm and (optionally) cast blame.
§2. Special meetings of the Fire Alarm Committee with the purpose of STOPPING THESE CURSED FIRE ALARM INCIDENTS may be called by any Citizen of the Cronk at any time via the Cronkhite-open mailing list.
Article VI. Flag Committee
§1. The occupant of Room 243 shall be the Chair of the Flag Committee, responsible for managing the harvardflags_official Instagram with flag of the day updates on the Room 243 flagpole and for ensuring that the Flag of the Cronk always flies from the stairwell flagpole.
§2. The Flag Committee shall be an efficient organization.
§3. The meaning of Section 2 is up to creative interpretation.
Article VII. Emigration Committee
§1. As stated in Article I, Section 3, all Citizens of the Cronk have the right to emigrate to the Quad or transfer to another House junior year.
§2. Should this right be denied to even a SINGLE Citizen of the Cronk, the First Cronker shall convene the Emigration Committee. All Citizens of the Cronk shall be members as a function of their Citizenship.
§3. The sole purpose of the Emigration Committee shall be to wage total war upon the Quad Houses, the President and Fellows of Harvard College, the City of Cambridge, the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, the United States of America, the United Nations, and Yale. It shall employ any and all means necessary up to, past, and including the use of cheese to ensure that everyone who wishes to can emigrate from the Cronk.
Article VIII. Amendment
Amendments to this Cronkstitution may be proposed at any meeting of the House Committee or the Emigration Committee. They shall be adopted effective immediately upon a two-thirds majority vote.
Article IX. Adoption
This Cronkstitution shall be considered adopted and effective at 5pm on May 13, 2023 provided that nobody objects before then without subsequently withdrawing their objection.